Fantasy Queen’s Speech

May 9, 2012

“My Lords and Members of the House of Commons, my Government’s legislative programme will be based upon the principles of freedom from want, freedom from ignorance, freedom from disease, and freedom from squalor.

The first priority is the welfare of the people of this country, rather than its financial institutions.

Freedom from want: we will institute a new Ministry of Works which will offer paid employment to anyone who wishes to undertake it, at a living wage of £8 per hour.  This work will be entirely flexible, so that people can move in and out of paid employment and Ministry of Works employment at will.  This will also include work which people with disabilities are able to undertake; no-one will miss out on opportunities to do work of which they are capable, although they will be supported if they are unable to work by reason of disability, including the provision of assistance from people employed by the new Ministry.

The tax and benefits system will be made fairer and simpler as a result. No-one on the Ministry of Works rate will pay income tax, nor will there be any benefit payments for people without work; instead, work at a living wage will be made available.  There are jobs crying out to be done all over this nation, from repairing our roads to caring for our old, and the Ministry of Works will direct its additional, flexible workforce into supplementing but not replacing the work already being done.  Far better to pay our unemployed to do the “uneconomic” work that needs doing, than to pay them to do nothing!

It follows that Income Tax will not be payable until one earns £14,000 per annum – roughly a full year’s work at the Ministry of Works’ living wage.  Any amounts received above that will be taxed at a flat rate of 25%; any amounts over £100,000 a year at £40% and those fortunate enough to earn, or receive in unearned income, more than £250,000 a year will pay 75% on the amounts over £100,000.

Corporation tax, Inheritance Tax and Capital Gains tax will be at the same rates as Income tax but with no tax free allowance.  Tax evasion and avoidance will become criminal offences.  All UK property will be subject to UK taxes: each property will be checked to ensure that capital gains tax, inheritance tax and stamp duty were paid each time it changed hands in the last 20 years.  If no such chain of tax compliant custody can be demonstrated the tax will become payable now, either in cash or as a charge on the property.  HMRC cuts will be reversed and several thousand new tax inspectors recruited and trained.

National Insurance will be ringfenced and a Sovereign Wealth Fund set up to invest the income against future liabilities.  National Insurance will, over time, become a true insurance scheme covering all citizens.

Freedom from ignorance: we will abolish university tuition fees and reinstate student grants.  All extant student loans will be cancelled.  All Academy and Free Schools will lose all public funding and have the option of reverting to local authority control or becoming fully private.   All private educational establishments will cease to be eligible for charitable status and will be taxed as profit-seeking corporations.  They will also be required to pay back taxes on their property transactions for the past 20 years as if their “charitable” status had been abolished 20 years ago.

My Government will support freedom from disease by supporting the NHS: ceasing the plans to reorganise and privatise it and continue to support it with funding that represents the same proportion of GDP – roughly ten per cent – each year.

Freedom from squalor will be pursued by instituting daily waste collections from a single bin per household and making separation and recycling of the contents a national priority at a series of small scale recycling centres.  Funds will also be provided to local authorities to embark on an ambitious programme of council house building so that affordable high quality rented housing is available to all.

Finally, everyone will have at least three and up to ten extra bank holidays a year: when the weather is unexpectedly fine the Bank Holiday Flag will be flown from Buckingham Palace and everyone will have a day off.  And a pony.”


One comment

  1. How long after she delivers this speech ’til the American’s invade?

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